Monday, May 4, 2009

The Big Bird-Poo Target

When we got home from our latest trip south for the big race weekend, I took Dixie in for a good bath on a beautiful spring day, paid the car wash attendant extra and got the Rain-X treatment. She looked so PURTY. I could tell she felt better. I had to park Dixie outside, since her stall in the pole barn is currently taken by my tables set up for a garage sale in the next week or two.
Well....I think the BIRDY AIR FORCE DIVE BOMB TEAM is using Dixie as a target for their Poo Bombs...because she is literally drenched in bird poo! I think their commander has said "See if you can hit the broad side of that bright red SUV!" And they've all happily complied.

Poor Dixie. It will do me NO GOOD to take her for another bath, because she's still going to be parked in the yard. So, I best hurry up and have that stinkin' garage sale, so that my dear Dixie isn't completely OBLITERATED by bird poo!


How humiliating for Dixie, she's such a proud machine, brought to shame, humiliated by little birds!


(I think I'll bathe her here at home next time so she won't have to be driven to town for the car wash, she would suffer so if anyone else saw her like this!)

Now...speaking of bird poo....
Maxine wants to talk to you for a little while about BIRDS...
and POO...!

Here goes...(you know Maxine, right? She's that wise little white-haired, cranky lady?!)

I bought a bird feeder.

I hung it on my back porch and filled it with seed.

What a beauty of

A bird feeder it was,

as I filled it

Lovingly with seed.

Within a


we had hundreds of birds

Taking advantage of the

Continuous flow of free and

Easily accessible food.
But then the birds started

Building nests in the boards

Of the patio, above the table,

And next to the barbecue.
Then came the poop.

It was

Everywhere: on the patio tile,

The chairs, the table


Then some of the birds

Turned mean.

They would

Dive bomb me and try to

Peck me even though I had

Fed them out of my own


And others birds were

Boisterous and loud.


Sat on the feeder and

Squawked and screamed at

All hours of the day and night

And demanded that I fill it

When it got low on food.

After a while,

I couldn't even

Sit on my own back porch


So I took down the

Bird feeder

and in three days

The birds were gone.

I cleaned

Up their mess

and took down

The many nests they had built

All over the patio.

Soon, the back yard was like

It used to be ....

Quiet, serene.....

And no one demanding their

Rights to a free meal.

Now let's see.

Our government gives out

Free food, subsidized housing,

Free medical care and free


and allows anyone

Born here to be an automatic


Then the illegals came by the

Tens of thousands.


Our taxes went up to pay for

Free services; small apartments

Are housing 5 families; you

Have to wait 6 hours to be seen

By an emergency room doctor;

Your child's second grade class is

Behind other schools because

Over half the class doesn't speakEnglish...and won't!

Corn Flakes now come in a

Bilingual box;

I have to'press one ' to hear my bank

Talk to me in English, and

People waving flags other

Than 'Old Glory'


Squawking and screaming

In the streets, demanding

More rights and free liberties.

Just my opinion,

but maybe...

it's time for the government

To take down the bird feeder.

(Maxine, it looks like our leaders LOVE to make us keep cleaning up POOP!)


Marydon said...

Too funny!

Connie said...

Can I please hear an "AAAAmen" to that one, sugar?!?!?! Yep, I agree with ya, chick.

Sue said...

Yep, and another Amen over here!
My Yukon was named JoeBob. It got totalled and now I have a Volvo wagon named Nigel, heehe!

tincanlily said...

Catching up on with your blog. That is just a very sad situation, poor Dixie. I love your wreaths, you did a great job.

English Cottage in Georgia said...

Don't you just hate it when that happens.
Actually had a bird fly through and open window into my college class and do his business on a fellow classmates head.
I couldn't see your car bumper. Do you have any bumper sticker that would offend a liberal bird? LOL!

Donna said...

Hahahaaa..!!! True, TRUE!! Good post sweetie!hughugs

Sit A Spell said...

This was great!